by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com
When we have relationships and they end it’s almost never amicable. There is usually someone feeling very jilted, used, raw with emotion and they may use any way possible to lash out–even lie and distort the truth to make it fit their twisted interpretation of the relationship. Breaking up means letting go of things, places you’ve become accustomed to and in some cases even friends that you shared. You often find friends in the middle of the tug of war not 100% certain whose side they will believe. They try to gauge who is hurting more and try to lean on the side of compassion. But the thing I’ve learned is that there is his side, her side and then God sit in the truth of the matter.
It may be hard to realize with your personal relationships, but those who seek the truth will seek God and not take sides. People who are eager to do the right thing in God’s eyes will realize that both individuals need time to heal and they need to be surrounded by people who will lift them up in prayer–not criticism or keep a watchful eye just to report back to the other party. If they were “both” of your friends to begin with, if they’re “truly” friends, then they should still be. But because friendships sometimes run very deeply, it’s hard for many on the outside to stay objective. Understanding this, I’m thankful that God fights our break-up battles!
Be it dating, marriage or a camaraderie friendship, I’ve learned first hand that prayer is the key in the midst of a break-up. You don’t have to be the first to email or call up all of the common friends you had together and make sure you badmouth them before they badmouth you. You don’t have to stay on a diligent mission to make sure everyone you encounter comes to hate the person you are no longer friends with or joined together with–in the event that they ever cross paths. It’s not about that. You don’t have to get the last word and make sure everybody knows your version of the events and exactly how they occurred either.
The dilemma is that people only get to hear one side of the story. The “feel sorry for me” side. The “I’m charming so take my side” side. The “everybody’s done me wrong” side. That’s why we want to tell our side. We want to feel heard, validated and defended. But there is no greater defended that Jesus on the cross who gave His life as a ransom for many and until you’ve done that you haven’t done much. So, that is why for all of our sake I am glad that His love “still” prevails. And to those who are quick to say unkind and rude things because of a situation they don’t fully understand and those who sit with a list remembering when so and so did such and such, waiting for God to smite the one they “believe” has done them or somebody they love wrong (even when in some cases they’ve done you and them a favor) take heed.
Remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. God is love. If we claim to be in Him it’s what we need to show. Now rest and let God fight all of your battles forevermore.
Michelle said,
April 24, 2008 @ 5:12 am
You had me thinking when I read this blog. I know how I felt, what I saw and what “they” said when “it” happened. In fact, I had two experiences at work today that do not qualify as breakups, but would qualify in “everyone feel sorry for me” side. I realized earlier this afternoon that prayer is the ONLY weapon to protect our hearts in these situations. After all, we all see ourselves as “flawless” when nothing could be further from the truth. Only God is perfect!
So I’ll rest and allow Him to take over…..
Fikile Mahlangu said,
July 31, 2008 @ 11:54 am
I totally agree with the blog. Prayer is the best weapon in every situation. As God promised to fight the battle for us, therefore we must be still and let God. I was involved in a very very bad breakup, I was badmouth by my ex. But I wasn’t shaken by the situation. I knew that if God is for me who can be against me. I stood in prayers, and I didn’t pray that God punish him for what he did to me, but I asked God to help him as he didn’t know what he was doing. It goes back to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, I prayed for him patiently.
It took him only a month to realise his mistakes. He came back to apologies for everything. I told him that I forgave him long time ago, so he doesn’t need to worry. This made me realise that God always forgive us for our sins, he doens’t count them. So why must we not forgive people who have wronged us?