by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

I had the pleasure of listening to a prominent speaker discuss forgiveness recently, with examples from her own life. As she spoke, thoughts of past and present situations that seemed unfair to me started parading across my mind. Things I had forgotten about knocked on the door of my heart and caused me to reflect.

I had been the type to look at others over the top rim of my glasses – until my life situations changed and now I am the one that others are looking at in very strange ways. Having to forgive others who caused grief and pain and then realizing that I was also a source of grief and pain to others is not easy to handle from either perspective. I tend to store up my feelings and eventually hide them – which I know is not very good. As I practice sharing my heart with others via writing, I find it is now easier to express my deepest thoughts and reflections even while speaking. Vocalizing (or reading) what you have always thought is indeed a healing balm.

Jesus, I surrender my pain, my disappointments, any misunderstandings and my resentment of situations from my past (and my present) into your hands. You knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. You have purged my heart with your precious blood before; wash it clean once more. As I open my life before you and others, may souls be refreshed and may those who were once bound in spirit be loosed and set free to go forth and live out their purpose that You have preordained from the beginning of time.

Forgive me of the hurts I have caused. Allow me to let go of those who hurt me, intentionally or not. Help me to have the heart to say like Jesus did.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV)

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com

This weekend we experienced the inaugural Love Better Camp Retreat. God showed up and showed off at the Love Better Camp retreat. It’s funny because we initially scheduled it as a couple’s retreat and then when interested singles started inquiring we opened it up to both singles and couples. I figured women would flock to the event eager to be heard and make their points concerning relationships, but what we ended up with was a men’s only retreat—which God knew was fine by me. We had relatively wonderful weather. I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t scorching hot especially since it’s August and the sun is normally out eager to do its thing–which is to burn you to a crisp. We cooked out, we read from the book The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate, we discussed relationships and everybody had great points and most of all we prayed, prayed and prayed again and heard from the Lord.

That’s why I love having discussions about relationships. I’ve always been the girl who was privy to male conversations and this weekend was no different. The men were honest and very forthcoming and it made me think that women really better start given men credit for having some common sense and spiritual insight when it comes to relationships. We are always so quick to say that men don’t get it, but from what I experienced this weekend I know they do get it. and I also know that every man is not swayed by tight jeans, fishnet stocking with high heels or “the best sex he ever had” and to those who think that all you have to do is work it out in the bedroom to get them to make you their wife, my advice is that you please go and sit down someplace and stop crucifying Christ afresh and straddling the fence when it comes to being a Holy woman of God.

There are men who can see and experience all of the tricks women play and STILL walk away from a woman–even after the “good sex” and after they pay their rent and their car note. All I can say is that you should have been there to see what it takes to reach the heart of a REAL man, but you can always read the book or continue thinking that you don’t need it. God knows that there are two sides to every story and for so long we’ve only heard the woman’s side or women complaining about how he won’t call me, he left me for her or he led me on. My testimony is that even though I’m the author, I read the book several times as I was writing it and implemented some things and made changes in my life and now I’ve got my soul mate. One day maybe more women can say that too. I think so many of us just need to grow up and let God lead and stop manipulating people and the various situations that we’re in and then sit in a corner and pout when we don’t get the desired outcome. The outcome from the very beginning is only ever going to be what God wants it to be–now that’s fine by me, but what about you?

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)

by Michelle Cameron
http://blog.myspace.com/shellylove2002

Pain and sorrow has overwhelmed my heart for quite sometime. It started several years ago when my family was divided because of economic reasons. My parents lived in the US while I and my sisters remained in our country of origin with our maternal grandmother for five years. I counted down the days to when we would reunite as a family, and we did: but our excitement was short-lived. Our grandmother came to the US the day after our mother showed signs of illness. Her cancer had returned – in fact, it had metastasized. We buried her seven months after we reunited. I was only 16.

As the eldest I tried to remain strong during tough times. I went to college that same year she passed away and I graduated on time, but it was an uphill battle. I remember during my final semester of college they called me into the bursar’s office and quietly told me they would have to send me home because of my school bill. I started crying right there in the office as I HAD to graduate. I made a private promise to myself and my mother, who was a former English teacher that I would make something of my life, no matter what it took. The lady offered me a private scholarship right there on the spot and I was able to graduate on time!

I eventually dated and married someone I met at various church functions. What I thought was a workable situation was very stressful, abusive and caused plenty of heartache instead. After eight years, I packed my bags with our two-year old son in tow and left my home. As I walked away from the house into which I had poured my time and money, I realized that pain had visited my life again and that this wound was deeply riveted in my soul. As I watched my son cry almost daily when he was faced with new surroundings and saw only one familiar face, I cross-questioned myself and God on several things:

Why did you allow these things to happen?
Why are we hurting so much? Don’t you even care?
Why does it feel as if we’re the ones in pain and the other party is having an easy life? (At least, so it seemed)
As time went by, I began to understand a few things:

1. Because we live in a fallen world, pain will knock on every door – regardless of socio-economic factors, race, ethnicity or personal beliefs.
2. We cannot avoid the presence of pain in our lives.
3. We must find healthy, Godly ways to handle pain.

So I have decided to work through my pain by writing about my experiences. The release of my soul cannot be described adequately; peace has overtaken feelings of injustice and anger that were raging within me. I have learned to look deeply into why things happen and why I draw my conclusions. I am thankful that God has given me the grace to work through my pain. It is nowhere 100% over, but I now understand many things that I did not before. Occasionally I may still mourn over the lost relationship with my mother and my ex, but my weeping is ending. It is now time for me to look up and live!

It is time to wipe away tears of sorrow, pain, regret and heartache. It is time to lift up my eyes unto the hills from where my help comes. It is time to smile, laugh and play again!

True joy is unmoved by what it sees. It rises to the surface and places a smile on the lips of the one who possesses it – even when the first urge is to cry or scream in agony. Joy does not deny the presence of pain; rather, it sees pain as part of life, something that helps the individual to grow while teaching valuable life lessons that can be shared with others.

I have wept much, but my joy has come!

Psalm 30: 5b (KJV) “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

by Linda Dominique Grosvenor
www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com

Sometimes I can tell people are waiting for me to say something horrible and insulting about an ex. I don’t do it. I won’t do it. Because of the God in me I can’t do it. That’s not who I am and it’s not who God created me to be. But I know people in similar situations who can’t wait to tell something private and embarrassing about their ex, be it ex-boy or girlfriend or ex-husband or wife. How you respond about your ex, however, says more about “you” than it does “them”. I’m not talking about people using an actual example from their relationship to illustrate a point they’re trying to make or using an example of something in their past as a testimony. I’m mean, telling mean, and vindictive private things that nobody outside of the relationship has a right to know, just so that it mars that person’s thought of the person you are talking about. What it says about you is that you are unlearned that the tongue can destroy you and put hardships in your way that didn’t need to be there–hardships that only appeared in your path because you wouldn’t close your mouth.

I was a single parent for 18 years and I can say that in all of those years although my son’s father had never given him any financial support or bought him anything besides a bag of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures one Christmas in 1988. Despite that fact, I never once went around badmouthing him to my mother, my sisters or brother or to my child. It wasn’t for me to mar my son’s image of his father. It wasn’t for me to drill it into his head that his father wasn’t a provider and wasn’t ever there when he needed him. I knew that God would allow him to find out on his own, without me constantly mumbling on and on about how “no good” I thought he was. And so I guarded my tongue and made the best of it, because if I believed Hebrews 10:30 then I had to believe that God would take care of us and handle his “non-support” of his son as well. It wasn’t for me to use my tongue in an act of vengeance. That’s not what the mouth or the tongue was created for.

People over the years often ask me how I made it through 18 years of single parenting making little over $20,000 a year working for city, going to school full time at night, getting $0 in child support and never once allowing my child to go hungry or finding a way to get my rent, utilities and other bills paid. Sure, my mom and friends helped out on occasion, but the victorious glory goes to God and God alone. I know people who receive child support from their child’s mother or father and they still can’t make ends meet and here I was not receiving a dime and God was keeping us in perfect peace. My son never went to public school, he went to schools for which I had to pay tuition for his entire life from 1st grade through 12th grade and I give the honor to God for being able to make it. I believe it was me keeping my tongue that allowed God to continue to meet my needs/our needs. We don’t understand how much damage talking too much does, but before we ever part our lips to say an ill word against anybody we really should and instead use our mouth and tongue to praise the One who has kept us from falling.

My son finally did learn on his own how his father wasn’t there for him when he graduated from high school. It was the first and only time he ever asked him for anything. He asked for money to pay for his cap, gown and yearbook and his father never got back to him. I didn’t have to teach him that lesson. I didn’t have to badmouth his father to drive home that point. He saw it himself and realized that even though I kept my opinions to myself and it appeared as if I was doing everything all on my own, I really wasn’t. He knew that God was there the entire time moving every obstacle out of our path as I used my words to glorify Him in praise and worship–the way it was intended.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” James 3:6